Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
