So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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