Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
