fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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