Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
