I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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