I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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