you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
