dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize