Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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