It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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