he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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