Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
