I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
