You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
