there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize