plz talk dirty to me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
