Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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