Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
