Sry I called you an 8
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
