Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
