He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
