I feel like I'm in dance class right now
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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