I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize