I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
