im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
do nipples grow back?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
