Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry about my life...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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