another moral hangover. fuck.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
