Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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