I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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