your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
