You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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