If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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