i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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