Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
