like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
