Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
