I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm getting married
To pizza
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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