Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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