He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
