My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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