is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
