I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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