found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
