Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
