Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
