I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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