i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
