I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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