mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i think i just naturally attract stoners
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
