I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
