You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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