lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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