you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
