By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
