I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
