dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want her autograph on my taint
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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