Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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