Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My vagina is officially offended.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
