Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
