I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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