I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You took a bar mat shot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize