i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
