I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
