he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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