It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
