I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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