just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
