Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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