One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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