whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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