You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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