there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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