i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
