even my farts smell like vagina
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I will be naked everywhere
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
