its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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