I'd wear matching sweaters with you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
