You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
