Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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