"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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