Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
