eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
