Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
