if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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