my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They took my balls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
