He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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