if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
