absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We just shotgunned beers for America
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
