I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
