Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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