oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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