He had one of those small greek statue penises
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize