Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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