If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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