Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My ass is underappreciated
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
