we're blogging at a bar
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
