Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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