Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
