i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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