ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
