Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize