Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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