It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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