right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
