You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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