I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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