Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Text me some of your sweat
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