how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
